It's been a mixed first 4 months of the year for me in all honesty, started seeing someone, finished seeing someone, issues from that lingered on, managing a reorganisation in my department at work, starting a new job as a result of said reorganisation, and the thing that hit me the hardest, my nan passing away.
It led to me not feeling myself for some time, my head was all over the place, I wasn't me, which is something I can't stand as I know I've been like that before in a different situation many years ago. Thankfully things have started to resolve themselves on a whole. I'm enjoying life on my own again, realising quite quickly that being back in a relationship was an experiment gone very wrong. The single life had worked for me for over 3 years, I thought that maybe there was a chance I should try and change that, but it was obvious that wasn't the case!
Work wise, we've been running the new regime since the start of April, with our first pay packet due to come in next Friday. Of course that is one of the main focuses of us involved as many have received an increase in their wages because of the reorganisation, including myself! The actual job though, it's been an increase in responsibility from the get go, having to focus on the operational side of the railway really for the first time in my 15 years in the industry. Up until now it's always been customer service based work, tickets, announcements, station and staff management, then even when moving into the control room 4 years ago it was all information based. Now it's a bit more about service decisions, incident management from an operational point of view, and a load of other industry stuff that has pretty much been in the background for me as a customer service guy over the years. We've had a solid start though, even with a shit-tonne of disruption we as a department (and me as an individual as well) have come in for a lot of positive feedback from the higher ups, the ones that pay our wages, and our bosses wages.
There have been some consistent things over the past few months though, my brothers & sister never change and although they may not know it, provide support just by being there. My friends, a few key ones who are always there for me no matter what, who put up with me not wanting to talk about shit but are understanding all the same. Football, and I don't mean following the rollercoaster that is West Ham, I mean the extended family I have as a result of being a part of Concord Rangers. The guys there just keep going, and knowing that each Saturday (or Tuesday night) there's an escape from anything that may be dragging you down just helps things move along.
When I was told about my nan passing away, the easiest thing for me to do was try to carry on that day as normal as I could. It was a Saturday, and by going to football and going through the rituals of putting out the flags, sorting out the programmes etc and calling the referee a c**t mid game helped me process it, as well as being around the people I can rely on to take the piss out of me and each other through that 90 odd minutes. As time has gone on I've handled it better, and a couple of months down the line, yeah it still gets me down, but you go on with life and hold on to the good memories.
Life is what you make it, the decisions you make, the things you do etc. There's a million different quotes and clichés that could sum up everything, but as far as I'm concerned right now, it's all about the people that are in your life and the relationships & bonds you form with them. Whether they are blood, friends, family, colleagues, or just acquaintances, and whether they actively help or do so without even knowing it, that's what shapes your life. Surround yourself with the right people, and you'll be on the right track going forward, at least that's how I feel.